yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
