i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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