it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
