So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
