I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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