dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
