In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
