I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Shame - the story of my life.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
