She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
