I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
