Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
