why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
