Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Your dad touched me again.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
