the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
