Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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