At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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