Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
