ADVERTISEMENT

• (124): View more from

  Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.

  Fav 107 32823 1974

  share tweet
  

• (336): View more from North Carolina

  She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?

  Fav 119 1289 5628

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (419): View more from Ohio

  The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.

  Fav 25 4760 1679

  share tweet
  

• (206): View more from Washington

  dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.

  Fav 29 2918 5213

  share tweet
  

• (951): View more from California

  We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.

  Fav 5 4084 1211

  share tweet
  

• (501): View more from Arkansas

  My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?

  Fav 10 1135 3346

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (513): View more from Ohio

  All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.

  Fav 9 1457 2081

  share tweet
  

• (614): View more from Ohio

  I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan

  Fav 3 2647 938

  share tweet
  

• (616): View more from Michigan

  I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.

  Fav 2 2363 837

  share tweet
  

• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...

  Fav 5 843 2142

  share tweet
  

• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck

  Fav 16 1090 1600

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (513): View more from Ohio

  Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna

  Fav 4 1043 602

  share tweet
  

• (256): View more from Alabama

  we've talked on the toilet we're linked now

  Fav 0 22 20

  share tweet
  

• (864): View more from South Carolina

  Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...

  Fav 0 40 8

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (517): View more from Michigan

  Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?

  Fav 0 21 31

  share tweet
  

Randomize