i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
