You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
