i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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