i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
