the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
