Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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