Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
