Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
