Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
