just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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