Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
