in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Randomize
