I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
