his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
