remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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