There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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