Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
