I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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