I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
