last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
