Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
