Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
