Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
