idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
