that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
