We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
