I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
