just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
