she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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