i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
