I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
