Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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